Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We talked him into tasing himself.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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