I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize