This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
