If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
