I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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