Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
