YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
