I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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