I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
