drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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