well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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