I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
