Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
