i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had sex on a dog bed..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
