it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.