I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires