he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dating After Heartbreak
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??