PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize