I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.