I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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