Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
