He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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