1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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