Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
