Just fell off a train. Bad.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
