dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
