in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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