I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
