She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
