I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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