Will you blow on my dice?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
