On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
