Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
