one two three fourrrrnication!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
