I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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