The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
