he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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