i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
