I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i dont even know how to be here
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
