Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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