He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
