yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
