I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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