mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
