She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
