; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
