the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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