If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize