Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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