Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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