Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
