I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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