I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The air was thick with penises
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
