the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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