she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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