I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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