i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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