insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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