are you still at the devil's house?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had to cum in my sink.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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