Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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