I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
