A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
