i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
