i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
