We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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