Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
