Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
