She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
