We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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