there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize