you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You work out of a Hotel?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize