it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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