You work out of a Hotel?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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