if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
