Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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