I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
