Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
