she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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