Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
