I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
