I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
