Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
