I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
