i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
