this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
