Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
