I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
